Asking for the Sun

by Steven Natusch


Shortlisted Charta Award 2023

This is a project about nostalgia and uncertainty. About finding home in an idea and trying to hold on to it. It negoiates the contra- dictions between the authors relationship with past and present.

I remember the warm shafts of light, brushing my skin and dipping the city into a tone of golden red and brown at the evening. Nobody recognises me here, I am a foreign existence which strolls around all the seven hills of the city, nowhere to be found. There is a longing that is unmatched. It got fulfilled at the same time as it got created, it’s asking me for the unfulfillable.

The feeling of Nostalgia crashes down upon me with an unpleasant force.

Until here, I have been someone, that bloomed the most in situati- ons, which had a lack of familiarity, a lack of certainty. Being solitaire within such an environment, my emotional perception always was the strongest.

While strolling through the night, my stay here feels fragile but ir- retrievable at the same time. Every night as I come home, I already cling to future memories. To the present moments that are happe- ning right now and become memories second after second, minute after minute.

There’s a constantly felt shiver, trying to catch the wind between my fingertips. I may never get back, this free unattached feeling of so- litude. Being so stuck in the present, and lost to the past, feels as if one is continuously stumbling and then catches oneself again, short- ly before falling, only to continue stumbling again.

I was here the whole time.